Sergey Sirotkin admits the realisation that a return to Formula 1 grid may never happen is "painful".
The Russian lost his seat at Williams to Robert Kubica after just one season in 2018, this following the decision of his sponsors not to continue backing the Grove-based team.
At the time, Sirotkin revealed, he wasn't too disappointed by his exit but now that another year has passed, Sergey does feel his chance has gone.
“I’d say it’s become maybe even more painful,” Sirotkin said of his feelings to Motorsport at the launch of his and SMP Racing’s karting academy in Moscow.
“Because at that point of course Williams wasn’t the most competitive, I knew that for the next year the situation probably wouldn’t change dramatically.
“[We thought] that having this gap year [in 2019] we’d maybe have the chance to find a better option than trying to fight Robert for that seat.
“But now, having harboured some rather high hopes, high expectations and even having had some initial agreements [in my first year in F1], in the end, you didn’t achieve your target and having then lost a further year, you realise that to make it [back to F1] for the following year will be even tougher.
“And like that, you realise that you’ve probably let the goal slip away forever."
The hardest part, Sirotkin explained, isn't so much the personal element but the reminders from elsewhere that his F1 dream is likely over.
“To be honest, when you don’t think about it it doesn’t really hurt, but every day it happens that you’re reminded about it, it’s really, I don’t know, I’m not emotionless about it, it’s not the least important thing in my life, but for me, it’s always been quite painful and will remain that way," he said.
“I’m very self-critical, and to realise at 23-24 that what you’ve worked towards all your life hasn’t worked out, it’s tough. It’s really tough.”
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While he wasn't racing last year, Sirotkin did remain part of the F1 paddock as reserve driver for both McLaren and Renault, a role that he admits also cushioned the blow of losing the race seat.
“In the beginning, I thought it would be [harder]. I thought, when you’re watching it from Moscow, you’ve already forgotten a bit what Formula 1 is like, you’ve distracted yourself and it’s all okay,” he said.
"Then you’re back in the paddock, everything is familiar, you’re involved, but you don’t have a car, you’re not doing much, you’re still watching the races on TV or on the computer, and at some point, I thought this may be harder to accept.
“But then I missed one race due to a passport delay, and after that I realised that I do prefer to fly in, to remain in that system in one way or another, to remain in touch with the people I know, rather than watch it from home on the couch.”
So far though there has been no word on Sirotkin's 2020 plans, other than a coaching role at the new SMP Racing karting academy in Moscow.
